So What Was the Early Signs That I Am a Girl?

It's hard to tell. I don't have any recollection of any dramatic moment. But when I was very young I had a strange dream that I still remember. I was maybe four or five and in the dream I was at a place I know quite well, near the subway. Under a bridge there was a lot of snakes, each on its own blanket. They all raised their heads and hissed at me. I wasn't afraid at all, I just waved something like a toreador does and walked right past them to the shop I wanted to go to.

Not a very complicated or scary dream, the strange thing is that I still can remember it after all those years. What does it mean? Well obviously the snakes are penises, it can't be a repressed memory of abuse as I wasn't afraid at all and the snakes didn't attack me. Was my subconscious trying to tell me that I wasn't supposed to have a "snake"? During the years since I've been thinking about this dream but so far haven't come to any conclusions. Any suggestions?

Other signs?

I remember when I was seven or eight my brother and  was playing something, don't remember what. But one part was that I was on the bed covered with all sorts of bedclothes and other stuff. In the game it was a garbage truck and I was covered with garbage. My brother removed the garbage and found a woman. Pretty obvious this one isn't it?

From an early age up to and beyond puberty I sometimes dressed secretly in my mothers dresses, stuffing the bra with stockings and the like. I also sometimes tried on her make up. Again quite obvious.

In our apartment building in Göteborg we were not so many kids so it was only natural that girls and boys played together. One evening when I was maybe thirteen we were all hanging around when one of the girls that I had a crush on said that she thought that I should be fine as a girl, She said my lips were as made for lipstick. A "normal" thirteen year old boy would be horrified but I was flattered and excited.

More signs?

All the kids collected "filmisar", small cards with pictures of movie stars, and as expected the boys all wanted John Wayne, Tarzan or Allan Ladd. Which suited me fine. When we traded cards I could get five Sophia Loren for one John Wayne.

I always liked to read my mothers women's magazines and "girly" comic books

When we went to the hang around the mini golf court the other boys watched the games, I, even at eight years old, watched the older girls and their marvellous bodies.

I always enjoyed playing with the girls more than being one of the boys.

So when I put all this together it's pretty obvious that I was one of the girls from the very beginning. I'm just so damn good at suppressing things.

Love and kisses till next time
Caisa